As the song says, La, la, la, la Life Goes On!! Two and a half years ago--Aug 29, 2006, I had gastric bypass weight loss surgery and began the journey of a lifetime. I started at 410 pounds. I now range between 202 and 205 on most any given day. I am literally HALF the person I was, physically. I can do so much more! I DO do much more than ever before. I have severe hypothyroidism and I've been overweight literally all my young adult and adult life. Now, I may still be what the antiquated BMI tables deem to be "obese," but I am living life and loving every day.
I think often of how my life would be different now if I still carried the 205 pounds I've left behind. I would still be sitting home every day full of body pain from the many ailments I dealt with. I would still be taking at least the 9 different prescription meds I took before my weight loss, if not more. I would not be working and helping support my family, which is doubly important in times like these! I would not be leading a 4-H club and the president of our 4-H leaders association. I would not be attending the support group meetings and participating in athletic events with fellow support group members. I would simply be existing, not living.
I still struggle with body image... In my head some days, I am still that 410 pound person I used to be. I still can't believe that I can go into most any store and find things that are nice and that fit well. I can not tell you how many years it has been since that was the case! How do you get past that fat-thinking about your self? How do you not do a double take when you see your own reflection in a store window or the side of someone's shiny new car and think--"Oh, who is that? She LOOKS like me, but that can't BE me! She's so small....." UGH!
Lots of things are going on right now... Hubby is being forced to change jobs yet again by a downturned economy and its effects on the trucking industry. Our older daughter and her infant son (AKA "world's greatest grandbaby") have moved home and she's in the middle of what looks to be an ugly divorce. Our younger daughter is coping with a serious weight gain this past year, tough courses at school, and facing her senior year next year which means taking the SAT and the ACT as well as preparing for graduation and all that this involves. Me, I'm working to help make ends meet, helping the older daughter swim upriver in the divorce court setting, and trying to help my younger daughter cope with life and all its challenges--both mental and physical. Hubby and I don't get to spend a lot of time together, so at times it can feel like it is all dumped on me (he is an over-the-road trucker). It is a lot like being a single mom! In the meanwhile, I am trying to get back on track with exercise and just keep my weight loss where it is--no regain is acceptable! I don't hyperfocus on those 3 or 4 pounds you gain overnight from time to time as I know that it is water weight and can be shed by counting carbs for a bit... I don't stress over getting to a "normal" BMI as I know it is not physically possible for my body/frame after 20 years of packing around 200+ extra pounds. BUT, I do strive to eat well, follow my dietician's guidelines and getting my protein and fluids in each and EVERY day. Beyond that, upping my exercise is about all I can do other than trying to keep the other stressors under control. Spring is here, though you can't tell it with the snow we're having today. I am hopeful that as I am able to get outdoors and exercise more (love working in my garden since I am now able!) that other things will start to fall in line again as well. Maybe just getting my own head on straight will help the others in my life?Did I mention that we (myself and my younger daughter) are doing a half marathon in August in Chicago??? We've just barely begun to prepare for it, but we're going to do it! Anyone want to join us?? Hey, we are in West Virginia. If we can drive 10 hours for this, then some of you can do it too!!