La, La, La, La Life goes on...

As the song says, La, la, la, la Life Goes On!! Two and a half years ago--Aug 29, 2006, I had gastric bypass weight loss surgery and began the journey of a lifetime. I started at 410 pounds. I now range between 202 and 205 on most any given day. I am literally HALF the person I was, physically. I can do so much more! I DO do much more than ever before. I have severe hypothyroidism and I've been overweight literally all my young adult and adult life. Now, I may still be what the antiquated BMI tables deem to be "obese," but I am living life and loving every day.

I think often of how my life would be different now if I still carried the 205 pounds I've left behind. I would still be sitting home every day full of body pain from the many ailments I dealt with. I would still be taking at least the 9 different prescription meds I took before my weight loss, if not more. I would not be working and helping support my family, which is doubly important in times like these! I would not be leading a 4-H club and the president of our 4-H leaders association. I would not be attending the support group meetings and participating in athletic events with fellow support group members. I would simply be existing, not living.

I still struggle with body image... In my head some days, I am still that 410 pound person I used to be. I still can't believe that I can go into most any store and find things that are nice and that fit well. I can not tell you how many years it has been since that was the case! How do you get past that fat-thinking about your self? How do you not do a double take when you see your own reflection in a store window or the side of someone's shiny new car and think--"Oh, who is that? She LOOKS like me, but that can't BE me! She's so small....." UGH!

Lots of things are going on right now... Hubby is being forced to change jobs yet again by a downturned economy and its effects on the trucking industry. Our older daughter and her infant son (AKA "world's greatest grandbaby") have moved home and she's in the middle of what looks to be an ugly divorce. Our younger daughter is coping with a serious weight gain this past year, tough courses at school, and facing her senior year next year which means taking the SAT and the ACT as well as preparing for graduation and all that this involves. Me, I'm working to help make ends meet, helping the older daughter swim upriver in the divorce court setting, and trying to help my younger daughter cope with life and all its challenges--both mental and physical. Hubby and I don't get to spend a lot of time together, so at times it can feel like it is all dumped on me (he is an over-the-road trucker). It is a lot like being a single mom! In the meanwhile, I am trying to get back on track with exercise and just keep my weight loss where it is--no regain is acceptable! I don't hyperfocus on those 3 or 4 pounds you gain overnight from time to time as I know that it is water weight and can be shed by counting carbs for a bit... I don't stress over getting to a "normal" BMI as I know it is not physically possible for my body/frame after 20 years of packing around 200+ extra pounds. BUT, I do strive to eat well, follow my dietician's guidelines and getting my protein and fluids in each and EVERY day. Beyond that, upping my exercise is about all I can do other than trying to keep the other stressors under control. Spring is here, though you can't tell it with the snow we're having today. I am hopeful that as I am able to get outdoors and exercise more (love working in my garden since I am now able!) that other things will start to fall in line again as well. Maybe just getting my own head on straight will help the others in my life?

Did I mention that we (myself and my younger daughter) are doing a half marathon in August in Chicago??? We've just barely begun to prepare for it, but we're going to do it! Anyone want to join us?? Hey, we are in West Virginia. If we can drive 10 hours for this, then some of you can do it too!!

Life! Work, divorce, grandbaby...

So, I've spent some time reading other WLS blogs lately and I am noticing how over the first year or so things are all about the journey. How much weight have they lost? How far out are they? How many pants sizes have they dropped? Where are they finding the greatest clothing buys, etc? Then, over that latter part of the first year postop, their blog entries turn to more stuff about the real world and things that are going on in their life instead of just the hows and whats of their WLS journey. I read one blog that had nothing whatsoever about their WLS journey in the first 3 pages of blog entries... If it hadn't mentioned WLS in the blog description, you never would have known or guessed.

I've noticed the same thing about a lot of my posts lately. My last post, for example, was just about getting high speed internet FINALLY! The post before that was about how much time had passed (most of a month) since I'd last posted a blog entry. Granted, the one just prior to that was a link to Andrea's vitamin post at OH, but they are a bit more spaced than they used to be! SO, I am going to try and make more effort to document how WLS still affects my life these days...

But, in the meanwhile (LOL), another life update!
Work--I'm working more days than not lately. I don't know of any real full-time teaching slots for next year yet, but the substitute thing is still good and will always be there. There just aren't any benefits!

Divorce--Not mine! My daughter is getting divorced and we have an emergency hearing tomorrow for the judge to decide whether her husband gets any specified visitation time with their baby (AKA the world's greatest grandbaby) during the divorce proceedings. And, last night her hubby revealed that his mother plans to try and get custody of the baby. Apparently she thinks that she is better able to raise him than his own mother. Her 3 sons are obvious proof that this is not the case. They are 17 (18 in June I think), 18 and 20 and not one of them has a high school diploma, a driver's license OR a job! They are all living off of their parents who live off of SSI and food stamps. Oh, and the occasional student loan (his mom) for many thousand dollars that she's stated she has no intent of paying back... Must be nice to fraud the government and feel like you're still a fine, upstanding person who is better able to raise a child in this world. What a start that gives a child in today's demanding world. Heck, this very lifestyle is at the core of the divorce. Our daughter was raised in a different world--a world where people support themself and don't wait for a monthly check to pay the bills. She was raised to believe that we grow up, educate ourselves, and move out into the world to make our own way. We don't sit around and let someone else take care of us and pay our bills. She is powerfully motivated now to get away from his family and their lifestyle and to get her college education and move on with her life. We're so glad she finally came to this point!

Grandbaby... What more can I say? He's just the world's greatest grandbaby! He's a great baby. He now has two teeth! He recently had both middle teeth from the bottom front break through. He's more stable on his feet and when sitting up now. He's starting to babble and talk more. He streaks through the house in his walker and is eating up a storm! He eats about 4 jars of baby food a day these days and still nurses as well. He's about 20 pounds and well over 2 feet tall (28" last time he was measured). Before we know it, he'll have enough teeth to chew finger foods and be walking on his own!

Wow, where DOES the time go?

Yes, I have been sick and I have been working, but DAMN! It has been 3 weeks since I posted! you guys know I go for days sometimes, but not normally THIS long! So, here goes the update!

Lots going on this last few weeks... As many of you know, our older daughter moved home back in December with her hubby and their baby (AKA world's greatest grandbaby). Things were good for a long time. But they began to disintegrate somewhere along the line and her hubby moved out on 3/10 without even telling her what was up... Then, he added himself back to his mom's food stamp case and filed for divorce! How weird is THAT! He did not even tell Eliza what was what till like 3/13...and filed on 3/16! SO, as he filed first and she was unaware till then, he got the legal aid group to represent him and he wants joint custody of the baby. He did next to nothing to help take care of the baby when they were together and now puts in the divorce papers that they shared the care of the baby equally while married. What a joke! And, he still isn't working (hasn't since like September) and has no ability to pay support. If it weren't for Medicaid, the little guy wouldn't have health insurance either. So, Josh moved home to his mommy and daddy's house where they will support him and allow him to just screw around and do nothing. Eliza is still at our home and taking college classes and trying to prepare to be a part of the GROWN UP WORLD!! She told him that he couldn't continue to live like that, but he probably will till his parents die or get sick of him freeloading on them. He has two younger brothers doing much the same thing though, so I guess they have a lot more patience for freeloading than my hubby and I ever did.

Eliza's got a great lawyer but had to pay a pricey retainer. He is young and enthusiastic and is getting paid for what he does (as opposed to the average pro bono/legal aid type representation) and will hopefully rock deal ole' Josh's world so that he rues the day he ever started this crap. I told Eliza last night that I wanted her to find someone who truly loves her for the person she is and not just what they feel she can get for or give to them. And, I want that person to love my little grandson as if he were their very own baby. She said she plans to do just that! She was really in a funk at first and didn't really even cry over losing Josh. I guess the writing's been on the wall for her for some time now. But, now she's got a good mad on and is out to set this right and make him support this baby.

She requested sole custody based upon how little he cared for the baby and how terrible the living situation is at her inlaws' home. The cigarette smoke is AWFUL! Those people smoke something like 5 cartons of cigarettes per week! And they do most of it right inside the house where the baby lives and breathes. We had a crib at that house while they were living there--painted white... Needless to say after 6 or so months in THAT house, there is this ugly yellow nicotine stain all over it. It is disgusting! And that poor baby was forced to breathe that air day in and day out. I would be ashamed to find something like that being forced on a baby.... Ever seen that new tobacco prevention commercial with all the little plastic babies crawling around a city sidewalk? In the end, one of them rolls over and the words on their belly are revealed to the camera. It says something like "How do babies avoid second hand smoke?" Then, the second line is "eventually they begin to crawl..." If the people don't have sense enough to keep the smoke away from them, eventually they try to get away from it themselves.... Pitiful!

SO, with that said, she has a hearing on Thursday 4/2 for an emergency motion that Josh filed (well, his mommy filled it out and he signed it). It is for the court to make visitation arrangements because, according to this document they filled out, Eliza is keeping him from seeing the baby and plans to move him out of state. Hah! He has not even showed up on our doorstep and asked to see the baby! But, he'd have to drive 30 miles and they just can't afford the gas. They expect Eliza to call them, arrange a visit AND transport back and forth so that they can see him I guess? All this while he still is not supporting them! Ugh.... Or, as a favorite cartoon character says, "Oh, the humanity!" LOL If I wanted to see my child, then I would haul my lazy ass out there to see him--whether his mom approved at first or not! At least I could tell the court that I tried and she refused! Instead, he can tell the judge, "well, your honor, I sat at my mommy's house and Eliza never brought the baby to see me....." Yeah, that is going to go over well! And, as for the moving out of state part, he got this somehow from us talking 2 or 3 mos ago about maybe going to Florida over spring break to see my mom who STILL has not seen her only great grandbaby despite buying him a crib, a stroller, a car seat, a playpen, clothes, and more! Josh's mom and step dad had given him a used baby swing someone gave them and just barely kept him in diapers while they lived with them. I had to pay for diapers more than once in order for him to have enough!

I'm already sick of this situation. My hubby is sick of it and worried that she'll get too stressed and it cause her problems with her classes. Hubby is also worried that if she feels in jeopardy of things going wrong that she'll go back to him to save some trouble. But, deep in my heart, I feel she's got her head screwed on right (finally!) after 2 years time. And, I think she's just upset enough at the way he's done her to follow through and make him pay. There are some illicit behaviors on his part that have apparently been going on behind the scenes for quite some time... We'll see what the judge thinks of those when it comes time to decide the custody situation--on top of the unhealthy living conditions and the total lack of financial support!

SO, with all that said, you can still wonder why I haven't posted????? Well, I just finished a third round of antibiotics for this crud I had in my chest and head... I did a 10 day round of 875 mg amoxicillin. Then, about a week later, I did a 10 day round of Doxycyline. Just about the time I finished those, I was starting to feel a bit better, but went downhill quickly afterwards. SO, another week or two go by and I am really sick again. Back to the doctor. I told him that with each round of meds, just as I reached the end and started to feel better, I was done. And, I really think it is the malabsorption keeping the meds from working to the maximum expectations. I asked him to prescribe something strong for a longer period of time and he gave me a 3 week round of Bactrim and said, "You better start getting the yogurt in!" LOL Now, as I finished this round, I truly feel better already. I didn't take that last pill thinking, well, so much for that! I really feel like I may finally kick this thing! Doc wanted to xray my sinuses and make sure there's no blockage there keeping me from healing. I decided to wait and see what happened with this round of meds and go from there. If I don't get sick again in the next week or so, I'll consider myself healed!

Oh, and I need to review those Maine Cottage Foods no-sugar chocolate bars. Those things ROCK!!
More later!!
Lea