Confession is good for the soul...

That is what they say anyway! Confession and that purging is good for your soul and your emotional being... Well, it is TIME! LOL On Monday, I have a 2 1/2 year postop visit with my surgeon. And, at that visit, I will be forced to admit to about a 10 pound overall gain from my weight one year ago. I hit my all time low of 197 in March of 2008, but it was a split second before I was back at 200 and stayed there pretty much for good with only a 2 to 5 pound float most of the time. I'd gain a few pounds just before my period each month with the water gain. I lose that most months literally the second day of my period. Some months my calorie intake would be up a bit and I'd gain some, but as it fluctuated over time (the calorie intake), the weight would level back out. All in all, I have stayed between 200 and 205 since last March.

I have never been a diligent exercise person. I live out in the boonies on top of a hill. It is 30 minutes to "town" and the nearest place to exercise. I don't have much to work with at home and the "gym" in town is sort of a joke. The cost is as much as if it were a Bally's or a 24 Hour Fitness, but the equipment sure isn't! LOL So, I garden in the spring. I live life. And, when I get the chance, I do a bit more. Every time I run errands or go shopping, I park at the end of the lot and I walk more while I'm out. I carry my own animal feed and groceries as much as possible. I load and unload 8 or 10 cases of bottled water when I make the trip to Sam's Club. You get the drill! I do laundry, household chores, climb the stairs instead of taking the elevator, and just take the opportunities life presents to do a bit more and burn a few calories.

I eat reasonably well. I try to always think protein first. I nix the bread whenever possible. We (as a family) rarely do pasta. If we do pizza, we make it at home with a whole wheat crust and lots of protein goodies on top. We enjoy meats, healthy veggies, hearty casseroles and crockpot dishes. I have always loved to cook and started adapting my cooking years ago when my hubby started dealing with type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol.

Then came the carbs... There is no other excuse. Lately, we have had some stressful stuff going on at home. Hubby's job layoff and job change. My own slow-down after the holidays as a substitute school teacher. Both of those, coupled with taking in our older daughter, her hubby and their infant son (our grandson), lent a lot of stress to our life as we tromped through the downturned economy with fewer dollars in our pockets and more bills in our hands waiting to be paid... Add in some health issues (that couldn't be addressed while we had no health insurance) and things were even more stressful at times. I've been in a funk a lot lately and I've been in that snacky mood much more often than in the past 2 1/2 years. SO, I've been snacking and not on things that would normally be okay. A snack is not a snack if it is a planned part of your daily intake, right? Well, telling yourself it is time for your planned snack BUT eating a couple good-sized handfuls of Sun Chips is not the same thing! The snack that may have been 15 grams of protein in about 180 cals and 14 to 18 carbs in the past is suddenly 300 cals, many more carbs and maybe 7 or 8 grams of protein... Those carbs beget more carbs at mealtime. Pasta and rice creep back in. Then bread becomes okay again. Instead of one slice used for a sandwich, you now eat a whole sandwich--more bread, less room for protein rich stuff in between. Instead of pepperoni crisps and cheese, you have tortilla chips and salsa. Instead of a protein bar, you have pretzels and peanut butter. At bedtime, instead of a small dish of something like ricotta fluff, perhaps you have no-sugar-added ice cream OR a couple (ugh) cookies. But, you only ate it because everyone else was having some.... Yeah right! You ate it because you wanted it. You ate it because you have been on such a carb fest that you just can't say no anymore!

BUT, at some point, it has to stop! For me, this doctor's appointment is going to be that breaking point. I should have already called it quits. I should have been carb-detoxing for weeks already. I know what it takes to get back on track. All I have to do is DO IT. SO, it is time!
Step one--CONFESS!!
Step two--Get motivated to change things.
Step three--Make those changes.

So, I confess! I have been eating WAY too many carbs lately. I have just eaten whatever I felt like eating. I have not been planning my meals or our family dinners like I normally do. It has impacted my eating AND my grocery shopping for the whole family. The items in the house are not what they normally would be. There are always the makings for something sweet if we take a notion, but it is something like a protein enriched cookie (see my recipes here). It is not a pan of gooey cinnamon rolls or a scrumptious chocolate cake. What is there now is more the junk food sort of thing and I've eaten some of it too, not just allowed the rest of them to have it in the house. I'm not focusing on protein enough. My February labs showed that my protein number slipped a hair lower than the last set of labs. Not a huge drop...Not an OMG moment... Just a drop. But, it was a drop and that drop means that it is time to get back with the program before the drop is more significant. AND, worst of all, my weight is up. Granted, I am on my period and was fully dressed when I weighed myself, but my weight this morning was 215! OMG! I have seen numbers that started with 21_ before, but not more than 211 or 212 and normally at the end of a day full of liquid intake and proper meals. Days that were followed by waking up the next day to a more reasonable number like say 206... But, this MORNING it said 215. I know I'm constipated from starting the iron supplementation again, but surely it can't be THAT bad!

Get motivated to change things...
I'm motivated! 215 pounds is enough to motivate me, believe me! That and the thought of Dr. S seeing that number or anything even over 210 on Monday is enough to motivate me thoroughly! SO, this is war! Time to purge! And, heck, maybe some exercise might not hurt either???

Make those changes...
Fortunately, the weather is supposed to be mild this weekend, so I had planned to walk or bike some anyway. Maybe I'll stick the world's most adorable grandbaby in the stroller and go for a few miles! Can't hurt! And, I've been being pretty good about my food so far today. For breakfast, I had my normal high fiber Quaker oats with protein powder. Then, for lunch, I had cheese and pepperoni crisps. My snacks today have been some pecans and a package of Kay's Naturals Protein Os cereal (french vanilla flavor). Not exactly carb free, but a heck of a lot better than some days! When I get home from school today, I'll mix up some Ricotta Fluff and I'll boil some eggs. The hens are laying already, so we've got plenty! Supper tonight... I'll have to think on that one a bit. I've got some browned ground beef in the fridge. Maybe I'll toss that in a pot and make some chili... No cornbread! The rest of them can have something else, but it is time to get down to business!

Another thing I want to work on is that I have noted lately that I have NO strength anymore in my upper body/arms. I want to start doing something about that. We have a weight bench and some barbell type weights at home, but they are outside. I bought the stuff to recover the bench and start using that once the weather is a teensy bit warmer. It is so cold right now still that you'd have to wear gloves just to even keep hold of the barbell. If you have or know of a good upper body weight workout, I'd love it if you'd share!

My goal?
By next week (3/9), I want to be back below 210 pounds and back up to 80-100 grams of protein every day. I've not failed on my liquid intake or my vites and such, so I'm good there. I just need to work on cutting the carbs back and getting the protein back up.
In two weeks time (3/19), I want to be back in the 202 to 208 range and staying there. I also want to be consistently meeting my protein goal each day. I'm going to do a half marathon in April, so I have to start walking again... That will help with everything!